May 22, 2018

I was hanging out with one of my best friends the other day. We were getting coffee, and somehow we started to talk about our high school experiences. Most people I know really enjoyed high school, but the two of us really didn’t. For me, high school was a time of a lot of heartbreak, loneliness, and difficulty.

We talked about all the hard times we went through during our high school years — about the struggles we both faced in our friendships, relationships, and with our own self image. As we were talking, I started feeling emotional. I realized that high school was a time of my life that I really tried to block out for the most part. When I finally welcomed those memories that I hadn’t let myself think about for so long, all of the negative feelings I ever had in high school came rushing back. I didn’t expect to feel the way I did when we talked.

I know that for a lot of people, high school was a really fun time of life (which makes sense because let’s be real, high school academics are kinda a joke so there was actually time to just focus on having fun). I didn’t really see it that way. I spent the majority of high school wishing I was out of it, especially during my last 2 years when I became increasingly more lonely and felt increasingly more out of place.

The reason I’m thinking about this so much and chose to write about it is because I can look back on this time in my life now and see how temporary it was. I remember experiencing heartbreak and thinking I would never recover. I remember feeling out of place and worrying that I would always feel that way. I remember constantly picking myself apart for the way I looked and thinking that the view I had of myself would always be a part of me.

There are so many feelings I had that I was sure would last forever, but none of them did.

After high school, the Lord brought things to my life that I never expected to receive. He gave me blessings that I didn’t even know I wanted. He allowed me to experience joy and peace in ways that I couldn’t even fully recognize at the time; but looking back, I see his grace in my life so clearly.

Something so interesting to me about the way God works is that he is so subtle. In the middle of whatever season we’re walking through, we may not even notice that he is doing anything in our lives, but when we are able to look back on how far we’ve come, it’s so obvious that his hand was in it all. When I was thinking about the past few years of my life, I noticed that the Lord has been quietly writing my story, and I can definitely see how far he’s brought me.

Thinking about high school and the challenges I faced throughout made me really sad because I remembered so many of the negative feelings that I would honestly love to be able to forget. But, it also made me realize how much I’ve grown and how the Lord has shaped me through all of my experiences over the years — good and bad. Although high school seemed to be filled with more bad experiences for me than good, I can say now that I see how those times helped me become the person I am right now. And the bad experiences didn’t last.

Thinking about the hard times I’ve experienced in the past gives me hope that the current season of heartache I am walking through right now is exactly that: a season. And it is shaping me. I may not see it right now, but I know the Lord is moving in my life; quietly and graciously turning me into the person he’s intended for me to be.

And I have to say, I am really proud of the person I’m becoming.

Even just over the past few months, I’ve seen so much growth in myself. And I know that the season I’m walking through has everything to do with that growth.

Sometimes the current seasons we’re in can feel permanent. Heartbreak can feel like forever. Sadness can feel never-ending. The season I’m in right now feels more painful than any season of hurt I’ve experience in the past — and in the past, I wouldn’t have thought that was even possible. But, I have hope. I’ve seen in my own life how the Lord has carried me through times that felt like they would last forever. I don’t know what he is doing, but I know that one day I’ll be able to look back on this period and see how God has been faithful. Just like I’ve seen before.

I know that he is leading me to good things. Whatever those good things may be. I know that he’s not going to leave me in my hurt. I know that this pain is just another season, and the seasons always change when it’s time.

For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end — it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. — Habakkuk 2:3


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