The title of this post already makes me laugh a little bit because I am by no means an expert in this area. But, it is something I’ve dealt with a time or two, especially lately, so I really want to address it. Rejection honestly just sucks, but I know that there is beauty to be found in it. I’ve learned a little bit more about myself through each rejection I’ve experienced, and I really believe that each one has a purpose.
I still remember my middle school crush. I swore I was IN LOVE with the boy, and I made it my mission to get him to like me back. We were good friends for a minute, so I figured it wouldn’t be too hard of a task with my awkward 6th grade, four-eyes charm. One day at lunch, my friends hyped me up and I built up every ounce of courage I had in me and walked over to his lunch table and asked him if he would be on Facebook later so we could chat (I know, I was making bold moves). He said “uh, I guess so,” and I walked back to my table trying not to trip from shaking so badly. That night, I messaged him on Facebook, told him that I liked him and asked if he thought we could ever be more than friends (in 6th grade HAHA), to which he responded, “I’m not sure.” We never talked again.
I’m over it now, so go ahead and laugh, but 6th grade Monica had a rough minute after that one. It was my first experience with a painful rejection, and unfortunately it really was just the first of many. Most of the rejections I’ve faced have been more of just a little shot to the ego than anything, but there have been a couple that affected me drastically.
I feel like I can speak for a lot of women when I say that being rejected in any capacity can really chip away at our self esteem. We want to figure out what we did wrong or why, for whatever reason, we weren’t enough.
In my most painful rejections, I told myself that I must not be worthy. When I faced a painful breakup, I told myself that it was all my fault. I blamed my anxiety, my depression, my appearances. I turned to comparison, and I spent so many nights crying over the fact that I didn’t look or act like the girls who would probably end up grabbing my ex’s attention after me. When I’ve dealt with situations where a boy chose another girl over me, I blamed it on the fact that I must not be interesting enough to keep someone interested. When I felt like girls didn’t want to be friends with me, I blamed it on the fact that I wasn’t as outgoing as I would have to be in order to be liked.
Rejection brings out our biggest insecurities. And it’s hard when our insecurities are forced to the surface. When facing rejection, though, the biggest thing I’ve learned is that we have the power to choose how we will be affected by it. A question to ask yourself: Will I be consumed by this, or will I turn my disappointment and these insecurities over to the Lord and choose to believe what he says about me instead?
Sometimes, we have to let go of our longing to know why a rejection had to happen. There may not be a clear reason. The important thing is that we remember where our identity is found, and then the rejections won’t seem as earth-shattering. Because we know that the things, people, and circumstances of this world are not what define our worth, and the one who does define us will never reject us. In fact, he went through the ultimate rejection for us because he loved us that much. Nothing else could ever compare.
Here are some verses I’ve looked at when I am facing rejection. These are words I’ve clung to in some of the hardest times in my life, and they are really great reminders for when we are starting to feel defeated by our rejections. Hopefully they will encourage you. If they do, write them down. Memorize them. Pray them over yourself and your circumstances.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” – Jeremiah 1:5
“For my mother and my father have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in.” – Psalm 27:10
“Fear not, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10
When I need a different way to express my feelings, I often turn to writing poetry. I really never consider posting it anywhere because it’s something I mainly do for myself, but I was really dwelling on the topic of rejection the other day and wrote a sort of note to myself that I feel like sharing. So, if you’re more of a poetry person, maybe you can get a little more out of it.
And if you find yourself hoping that maybe this time it’ll be different, only to be rejected by someone else who did not take the time to recognize your worth, remember that there is more. There is more out there in the world and there is more to you. Know that the rejections you face are not reflections of you, but of the people who did not dig deep enough to get to the core of you — the burning fire inside your soul that is worthy of being understood and pursued. Do not let that fire be put out by people who did not even see it. If they do not try to break through the barriers around your heart to catch a glimpse of the vast depths of everything you are, then surely they were not who the Lord intended to know you. But, there will be people in this life who will see you. There will be people in this life who will never cease to try and know you more, because they will understand that there is so much more. Until then, know that you were already known by One whose love and understanding cannot be measured, and let that be your peace.